Author Topic: TEFLON-COATED HAPPINESS  (Read 1664 times)

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Offline Roxy

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« on: February 14, 2012, 11:23:55 AM »
It has been said that a moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers. Well, recently I had my own epiphany. Many believe that there are two types of people – the haves & the have-nots. I have my own version of this phenomenon: Teflon-coated people & shit magnets.

We all know Teflon-coated people. They are so-named because shit never sticks to them. They make pretentious statements like "You make your own luck". They are the ones who score the perfect job, never make bad financial decisions, & meet their Mr/Miss Right in high school. They have affairs & NEVER get caught. They never get a fine, even though they’re a menace on the road. They cheat on their taxes, & use the proceeds to spend their holidays sunbaking on a beach somewhere, year after year.

Most annoyingly, these are the people who always win the bloody meat raffle or lucky door prize. The ultimate insult occurs when you make the jaded (& in my case, sometimes drunken) observation to such a Midas about his/her neverending run of good fortune. The Golden Child inevitably shrugs & says, “Just lucky, I guess”.

If only we were ALL that lucky, honey.

Meanwhile, back on Planet Reality, we have the losing team. Every game needs a loser. It makes winning taste all the sweeter for the victor. These are a group of people indistinguishable by age, race or creed. What unites them is their unfailing ability to attract bad luck. One drink over the limit & they are bound to get caught in a RBT. Every would-be partner turns out to be a hustler, a player, a lunatic or just plain evil. A one-night stand with a coyote ugly is unwittingly witnessed by your main squeeze’s best friend. A seemingly-foolproof investment ends up being presided over by someone like Alan Bond. When these people say that God hates them, they’re not over dramatising. He really does.

Teflon-coated people never have to wear the sour consequences of a selfish action. The shit magnet, however, is never allowed to forget. When the Teflon-coated person sails successfully through a task, it is almost worthy of a ticker-tape parade. All that is needed is for someone to notify the media. However, the poor shit magnet usually finds that when they ‘luck out’ & actually get something right, no one else is in the room… or it had been accomplished an hour earlier by the smartarse Teflon-coated person in the corner.

Some famous people in both categories:


Pixie Skase: Her dead husband was a crook, her daughters are useless sluts & she herself hasn’t worked a hard day in her life. Yet this skank continues to wake up to a world where the sun is shining, the birds are singing, & she’s still stinking rich on shit magnet money.

Delta Goodrem: Even a brush with cancer, a skirmish with a man whore & a few dodgy songs didn’t stop this Little Aussie Battler (*vomit*) from climbing to loftier heights. She grew her hair back, hooked up with a hotter guy & sealed the deal as the wannabe Olivia Newton-John of her generation. The only Australian singer more bloody aggravating for her saintly status is Kylie fuck-I-look-good-in-hotpants Minogue. I must confess – whenever I need a pick-me-up, I like to imagine Delta fucking Brian up the ass with a strapon. Something tells me that‘s the way he likes it…

David Beckham: He abandoned real soccer to become an American novelty, married someone who has since morphed into an android, & has been caught shagging the nanny. All said & done, he is STILL considered a saint of the ‘common man’. What with his plastic wife trotting the globe & his habit of making the nanny feel like ‘one of the family’, it makes you wonder... who the hell is watching the kids?

Rose Hancock-Porteous: The ultimate gold digger. Whilst her daughter is now busy digging her grave with her knife & fork, Rose continues to flaunt her good fortune & bad taste at charity events across Australia. I must confess, the sight of her tipsy poledancing in her loungeroom (complete with lapdog & accompanying trannie friends) made for titillating television. I'm sure old Lang did a rotation in his grave at that one. Pure class from Australia's favourite former housekeeper. It gives hope to mail order brides everywhere.


Roberta Williams: Even without the Fatboy, this urban spitfire is still a hostage to her own myth. No one will ever forget her sins, & - as the media has recently proved – many delight in reminding her of them. We may laugh behind our hands at her for being a product of the poor, white Australian underclass. Deep down though, middle class Australian women feel conflicted about Roberta. Why? Because they fear they might end up like her one day.

Charlie Sheen: It all started out so promisingly. He was the son of an accomplished actor, who shone in a plethora of gritty roles in his teens & early twenties. Then somewhere along the line came cocaine, gambling, shitty women, hardcore porn, & a myriad of other assorted bad choices. Nearly two decades later, he's only just pulled his career out of the toilet... to plough straight into an embarrasingly-vindictive divorce with Denise Richards. Furthermore, she doesn't seem to want to go away anytime soon. Now, everyone is poised to watch his comback become a freefall again. Hopefully, he can commiserate with Rob Lowe at their next card night. I love Charlie because he loves hookers. What a guy! *sigh* I'm rooting for you, Charlie... literally. :)

Britney Spears: The quintessential child-star train wreck. When cursed with trashy stage parents & treated like the proverbial golden goose, it was only a matter of time before the likes of Kevin Federline stumbled into this Aladdin’s Cave. Now saddled with two kids she is ill-equipped to raise (after all, did she have a childhood herself?), alimony payments up the wazoo & all manner of lecherous hangers-on & ‘yes’ people, it is a wonder she found the time to have the nervous breakdown she so richly deserved.

Is it possible to change your pre-determined shit magnet status? If anyone deserves the winds of change, it's me. Just once, I would like to get the front row car space, fly through the last nanoseconds of amber light before it turns red, & win that elusive Boystown raffle for the Gold Coast mansion. God, make me Teflon-coated... please???  :-\
Roxanne Wilde
*Making the World a Happier Place*

Offline 3491

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« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2012, 01:22:19 PM »
Ha-ha....I love it!  :D :D ;D ;D   So true.

Online Zorro

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« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2012, 07:05:23 PM »
I would ad Kim Kardashian and also Paris Hilton as the Teflon coated People born into wealth and never worked up a sweat to achieve stardom. Actually I take that back, maybe they did for their home videos....  ::)